


It Hurts to Burn So Brightly

by LegitimateTrash



Category: GOT7
Genre: Family Feels, Gen, YoungJae is a sunshine, he is too pure for this world, its okay to be sad sometimes, soft, summary sounds angsty but its not i swear, youngjae centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26564581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegitimateTrash/pseuds/LegitimateTrash
Summary: Youngjae can take away everyone’s pain except for his own.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Everyone
Comments: 4
Kudos: 83





	It Hurts to Burn So Brightly

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Machuca queimar tão brilhantemente](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723689) by [zukogothic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zukogothic/pseuds/zukogothic)



> This was supposed to be for Youngjae’s birthday but I am so busy with classes and work so it’s late…anyway...
> 
> Happy Birthday Youngjae!! Thank you for making my dark times brighter<3

When he was younger, Youngjae liked to think he had superpowers. 

Like most things, it started small. 

A girl in his daycare was upset because she had lost her stuffed bear. She was inconsolable, and the volunteers had no idea what to do. They were debating calling her parents when Youngjae had waddled over. He plunked himself down next to her and started humming, something he had heard his mom sing. She calmed down immediately, listening to Youngjae’s voice. 

Later, when he was a bit older, his grandmother passed away. Youngjae’s mom fell into a bout of depression and wouldn’t leave the house. On the third day that she didn’t get out of bed, Youngjae climbed up on her bed and told her bad jokes that he had learned from cartoons. She didn’t laugh at the jokes per se, but at Youngjae’s own laugh, which echoed in the bedroom and filled the part of her that had been empty. 

When his older sister went through a bad breakup, he begged her to come with him to the park. They sat on the swings, and Youngjae told these crazy stories, of far off lands and beautiful princesses, his little hands waving around to explain the stories. His sister had smiled that day, fond and hopeful, listening to Youngjae weave stories of dreams coming true and thinking that maybe one day hers would too. 

It became a bit of a pattern. Someone was sad, or in pain, and Youngjae was there. A bright smile on his face, a story on his tongue, a laugh on his lips. 

For a while, he thought he was magic. People just seemed to feel better around him, and he made it his mission, to make sure that no one around him was ever sad. 

_

Then he grew up. 

He moved to Seoul, and worked his ass off trying to become a singer. He debuted with six other boys who he would soon call his brothers. 

And yet, he was still magic. 

The sunshine of the group, of whom everyone had a soft spot for. He made everyone’s days better, a constant positive attitude and a wonderfully contagious laugh. 

_

“Hey,” Youngjae says quietly, nodding at Jackson as he pads his way across the kitchen. He grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water. “Isn’t it kinda late for you to be up?”

Jackson nods, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Couldn't sleep.”

Youngjae frowns. “You’ve gotta be wiped though, you only got back from China last night.”

“I am,” Jackson says, and his words sound heavy somehow, “I’m exhausted, but it’s like my body is still on overdrive and it won’t let me rest.”

Youngjae takes a seat next to Jackson on the couch. “I get it, you’ve been going hard the past few weeks and your body is still trying to give you the adrenaline to get through it.”

Jackson groans and drops his head dramatically on top of Youngjae's shoulder. “How can someone be too tired to sleep?”

Youngjae laughs and puts his water down on the coffee table so he can rub Jackson’s thigh. “Want me to sing for you?”

Jackson looks up at Youngjae with his big puppy dog eyes. “Could you?”

Youngjae nods. “Close your eyes,” he soothes, before he starts to sing softly, something slow and sappy.

Jackson relaxes completely against Youngjae’s side. For someone who couldn’t sleep, he drifts off surprisingly quickly, clinging onto the younger boy’s arm. 

Youngjae smiles as he sings and watches as the lines on Jackson’s face smooth out one by one, disappearing as Youngjae’s voice wraps around him like a blanket. 

_

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Jinyoung huffs, crossing his arms. 

Youngjae pauses the video and wipes away the tears that had formed in his eyes from laughing so hard. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“You’re showing me funny animal videos so that you laugh, and then _your_ laugh will cheer me up,” Jinyoung says matter of factly.

“And?” Youngjae prompts, nudging Jinyoung’s stomach, “Is it working?”

Jinyoung’s lips twitch up against his own will. “Maybe.”

“So are you ready to tell me why you’re being all cranky today?”

Jinyoung glares and Youngjae hovers his finger over the play button, threatening Jinyoung with more baby ducks. 

“Fine,” Jinyoung sighs, “My sister is getting an award for her research paper, and I promised her I would come, but then we suddenly got a new schedule and I had to cancel.”

Youngjae frowns in sympathy. “That’s rough. For what it’s worth I’m sure she doesn’t blame you.”

“I know she doesn’t. It’s just- I’ve already missed out on too many family events. I didn’t want to add this one to the pile.”

Youngjae reaches over and wraps Jinyoung in a hug. “I’m sorry, hyung.”

Jinyoung hugs back just as tight and the tension in him loosens the longer he’s in Youngjae’s grip. Youngjae pulls back but stays close to Jinyoung. “So, cats taking a bath or pigs in rainboots?”

Jinyoung smiles. “Rainboots, of course.”

They watch more animal videos, and soon Jinyoung’s laugh joins Youngjae’s, filling the room with a light that wasn’t there before.

_

“I don’t think I’m doing this right,” Youngjae calls, stumbling over himself. 

Yugyeom giggles brightly. “Not even close,” he gets out in between laughs. 

Youngjae pouts. “That just means you’re a bad teacher,” he whines. 

Yugyeom laughs harder. “Me?” he asks incredulously, “I’m a _fantastic_ teacher.”

They’re in the dance studio after Youngjae had dragged Yugyeom there, begging that he teach him the latest dance trends. Yugyeom had been reluctant at first, but he’s glad he agreed now. 

“Try again. Arm up here,” Yugyeom explains, demonstrating, “and then, 1, 2, 3, and around your waist.”

Youngjae tries, and fails miserably. He flops onto the ground. “This is so hardddd.”

Yugyeom laughs and pokes Youngjae in the stomach with his foot. “Thank you.”

Youngjae squints up at him. “For what?”

“For this,” Yugyeom gestures between them. “I know you only suggested this because you knew I was sad about us losing that song competition.”

Youngjae drags himself into a sitting position. “Hey, you never have to thank me for stuff like this. I like spending time with you Gyeom.”

Yugyeom nods. “I know.” And he does.

He claps his hands together. “Now get up! From the top, I’m going to have you tiktok ready in no time!”

_

“I think it’s amazing.”

Jaebeom huffs. “Well apparently you’re the only one who does. I can’t believe he rejected another one of my songs. I worked on that for months.”

Youngjae places a hand on top of Jaebeom’s. “He didn’t _reject_ it, he just said it needs more improvements.”

“More improvements my ass. Is it too much to want to release my own music, not whatever he deems as ‘our colour’?”

“No. It’s not too much.” Youngjae intertwines his fingers in between Jaebeom’s and squeezes. “You are an incredibly talented songwriter and producer, and I wish I could make this better for you.”

Jaebeom sighs. “It’s not your fault.” He looks down at the ground. “And you do make it better, just by being here.”

Youngjae slaps Jaebeom’s shoulder lightly. “So sappy, hyung.”

Jaebeom blushes. “Yeah. Whatever.”

Youngjae takes Jaebeom by the hand and drags him down so they're sitting on the floor of the recording room. “Wanna hear a story?”

Jaebeom nods, and Youngjae weaves a story, somehow knowing exactly what the leader needs to hear. By the time the story is over, Jaebeom isn’t angry anymore, he’s just content, Youngjae’s words floating around in his head.

_

“Is this okay?”

Mark hums and Youngjae takes it as a yes. He holds Mark to him, hard, pressing the smaller boy against him.

Youngjae’s magic works a little differently around Mark. Normally he’s so used to being bright and loud, but right now that’s the opposite of what Mark needs. 

Youngjae holds Mark, grounding him, until Mark finally pulls back.

“God, I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened back there. It was just- everything was too much all of the sudden.”

“Hey, don’t apologize, hyung.”

Mark frowns. “I just can’t believe this still happens, even after all these years.”

Youngjae puts a hand on Mark’s shoulder and it makes the older boy’s breathing slow down a bit, evening out. “We all get a little overwhelmed sometimes, you never have to feel bad about this.”

Mark smiles a bit and Youngjae counts it as a win. 

“We should head back,” Mark points out, looking towards the door. 

Youngjae pulls him back. “Let’s stay here a bit longer, yeah?”

Mark looks between the door and Youngjae, but then Youngjae starts to hum something soft and sweet and Mark turns his full attention to him. “Okay,” he mumbles.

The noise in Mark’s head quiets as he listens to Youngjae hum, the younger boy’s hand warm on his own.

_

BamBam laughs as Youngjae walks out of the changeroom wearing a sequin top and an extravagant feather boa. He mimes holding up a camera. “Youngjae, Youngjae! Who are you wearing? What made you decide to go so bold for the red carpet event?”

Youngjae jokingly shields his face. “Ah, no paparazzi please, all the credit belongs to my wonderful designer, BamBam.” He does a fake hair flip and BamBam dissolves into giggles. 

Youngjae takes off the boa and tugs it around BamBam’s neck, pulling him over. “Hey, you are having entirely too much fun at my sake.”

BamBam grins and sticks out his tongue. “You know you love me.”

“I do.”

And it’s a little too serious for the situation and suddenly BamBam is hugging Youngjae. “You always know how to cheer us up, don’t you?”

Youngjae shrugs. “I hope you’re feeling better.”

“An impromptu shopping trip? How could I not be?”

Youngjae smiles and puts a pair of bright pink sunglasses over BamBam’s eyes. “I’m glad. And I’m sorry your flight back home got cancelled.”

BamBam sighs. “Yeah, me too.” He’s quiet for a second before he grabs Youngjae and pushes him back into the changeroom with another outfit. “But it means I have more time to make fun of you!”

_

It’s funny, Youngjae thinks, that he can take away everyone else’s pain except for his own. 

Everything builds up slowly, and things start to fall apart on a regular Wednesday night.

They’re in the dance studio, having just gone over their latest choreo, and are taking a much needed break, sprawled out across the wooden floor. 

BamBam is sitting on top of Yugyeom, listening to the younger boy talk about the new trick he taught Dalkyum. 

Jackson is attempting to braid Jaebeom’s hair, because it’s pretty long now, and Jaebeom is giving his earphones to Mark to help block out the noise because everything had been kind of loud for him today. Mark is cleaning Jinyoung’s glasses-which by the way are always dirty- while Jinyoung leans up against Jackson, enjoying using him as a pillow. 

It’s time like these that Youngjae wishes he was just a little bit older or a little bit younger. 

Because, yes, he might be in the maknae line, but he’ll never have the connection that Yugyeom and BamBam do, will never understand all their inside jokes or get into as much mischief as them. 

And sure, the hyung line loves him, and dotes on him, but he’s not a part of them. 

So yeah, maknae line is inseparable, and hyung line would probably, like, die for eachother or something, and then there’s Youngjae, who might be their sunshine, but is left to burn alone. 

When he sums it up, he is no one’s first pick. Which hurts more than he’d like to admit. 

So here he is, catching his breath on the hardwood floor of the dance room, and then suddenly here he is, crying on the hardwood floor of the dance room.

Yugyeom notices first, stopping his story abruptly and pushing BamBam off him. “Youngjae-hyung?” he calls, “What’s wrong?”

Youngjae flushes and tries to wipe away his stubborn tears. “No, it’s nothing.”

Jinyoung untangles himself from Jackson and comes over, sitting next to Youngjae and rubbing his back. “Youngjae-ah?”

Youngjae shakes his head stubbornly even as he leans into Jinyoung’s touch. “I-I’m fine,” he chokes out in between sobs.

Jaebeom raises an eyebrow. 

“People don’t cry if they’re fine,” BamBam points out. 

Jinyoung shoots him a glare but softens it when he sees the genuine concern on BamBam’s face.

“Wanna tell us what’s going on, sunshine?” Jinyoung prompts.

“It’s… I-I.. you a-all-” Youngjae stutters over his words, embarrassed and sad and still kind of confused himself.

Slowly all the members have gathered closer and Mark puts a hand on Youngjae’s leg. “Just take your time, Jae, whenever you’re ready.”

It takes a couple seconds but Youngjae manages to slow his breathing a bit. “I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like I’m always second best.”

The words hang in the air, heavy and thick with unspoken baggage.

Jaebeom rubs Youngjae’s back soothingly. “You are so talented and kind, Youngjae-ah. To us you are never second best. What brought this on?”

Youngjae shrugs. “Don’t you ever get sad sometimes for no reason?” he mumbles.

Yugyeom shoots forward, squishing Youngjae in a hug. “Of course, everyone does. I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad, hyung. But it’s okay, you know? You’re allowed to feel this way sometimes and you don’t ever need an explanation.”

Youngjae clings onto Yugyeom, fresh tears gathering in his eyes. “I just... I feel like I can make everyone feel better except myself.”

Jackson joins the hug, crushing both Youngjae and Yugyeom, and BamBam leans closer to poke Youngjae in the arm. “We love you for that,” he says. “You have such a positive affect on our group. I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

Jackson nods into the hug. “You’re so positive all the time. It gives us energy.”

Youngjae cries harder, hiding his face in Yugyeom’s shirt. “But that’s just it,” he slurs out, voice shaky. “I’m _not_ always positive. It’s hard being happy all the time.”

For a second it’s like all the warmth has been sucked from the room, everyone reeling from the realization that maybe they haven’t been paying enough attention to Youngjae. That maybe they thought he would always shine for them, even when it was raining out. 

“Baby,” Jinyoung whispers, wiping the tears from Youngjae’s eyes with his thumb. 

Mark lightly traces patterns on Youngjae’s hand. “It _is_ hard. And you are so strong, Youngjae. More than you realize. But you’re allowed to feel things- it’s not a weakness. You’re allowed to be mad, or sad, or lonely.”

Jaebeom cards a hand through Youngjae’s hair. “You can rely on us, Youngjae-ah. Maybe we haven't made it super clear,” he says, grimacing at the thought, “And maybe we’ve put too much pressure on you to be our energy, but you can come to us for help, anytime, anywhere.”

Youngjae lets out a whimper. “I know.” He looks like he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t, and closes his eyes, letting the tears flow freely, trusting that his members will take his broken pieces and glue them back together. 

_

So maybe Youngjae isn’t magic. Maybe he can’t zap away the pain. 

But he can be positive, and he can help others with his whole heart and soul. 

And Youngjae is sad sometimes, but that’s okay, because he has people who love him, and maybe that’s the real magic afterall; love.

**Author's Note:**

> Youngjae deserves the entire world I love him so much
> 
> Let me know what you liked, and if you want me to write more in the future. I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Come yell at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/demontuan)


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